Practicing Humility as Young Mothers (Jessalyn Hutto)

It was only our third Sunday attending our new church when it happened. A very kind and welcoming woman who had introduced herself in Sundays past was once again seeking to get to know my children and me. Impressively, she’d already memorized my little one’s names and was now asking them how they liked their new home. One of my sons agreeably answered her questions while another recoiled in incomprehensible fear each time she looked his way.

She patiently persisted in asking him a few more questions, but was getting nowhere. Desperate to end the awkward interaction and feeling embarrassed for my son’s behavior, I nervously reassured her saying, “I’m sorry, he’s our shy one!” I expected her to relent and accept my explanation at that point, but as the boys busied themselves with the gravel under their feet, she looked at me seriously and suggested that I not call my son shy in front of him. Children tend to pick up on these things and live up to their parent’s opinions of them, she challenged. Smiling, she assured me that she didn’t mind his lack of sociability.

I was completely caught off guard by her apparent disregard for the newness of our relationship. After all, we had only just met and here she was reproving me as though we’d been friends for years! All kinds of excuses bubbled up within me and threatened to spew out on this woman. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit allowed me to take her challenge with grace. I thanked her for her advice as I gathered my boys and left to meet my husband at the car.

When they were all buckled and my door had shut, my eyes filled with tears of embarrassment. Bewildered, my husband asked what had happened and I relayed the entire story to him. He too was surprised that she would feel comfortable offering advice to me at this point in our relationship, but also acknowledged the merit of her words. And honestly, though my face was flushed with embarrassment, I could see the wisdom in her correction as well. I was grateful for this little nugget of advice an older mom had passed on to me, even though in the moment it was hard to swallow.

Fit Words

The truth is that young mothers like myself are desperately in need of more of this type of  loving advice from older women in the faith. While she may have found a more eager pupil had she waited for our relationship to blossom a little, this woman was in all sincerity seeking to teach me how to practically “love my children” as Titus 2 instructs her. It was a perfect example of the type of natural discipleship that should be taking place within our churches. Often, however, young moms like myself recoil at the admonishment we are offered from the older women in our lives and instead turn to less threatening sources of advice such as blogs and likeminded friends. Too often we model our mothering style and techniques after other young mothers who are just a couple years down the maternal road from us—moms whose methods have yet to be tested by time and whose opinions have yet to be proven by an end result.

We run to mommy blogs populating the internet that offer concise lists of ways to improve our mothering, our children, or our marriages, but neglect the blessings given to us in the life-on-life relationships within the church. While I could have easily found an article on eight ways to teach my child how to respectfully interact with adults through a simple Google search, it is much less likely that I would have received encouragement to simply be patient with my children as they learn to put the principles I’m already teaching them into practice. I certainly wouldn’t have been challenged in my choice of words, because a blogger on the other end of a computer screen would never have heard them! On the other hand, my older friend’s close proximity to me allowed her to speak into my life in a way that suited my present need and revealed blind spots I didn’t realize were there. As Proverbs 25:11 testifies, “A word fitly spoke is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.” We young moms need to open ourselves up to more of these “fit words.”

The Discipline of Humility

Why do we so often neglect the abundant treasure chest of time-tested wisdom embodied in the older women around us? Why do we run to blogs or young friends rather than the spiritual mentor’s God has graciously placed in our lives? There can be many reasons for this, but often, if we are honest with ourselves, it is an issue of pride. Some of us have been burned before by the judgmental or graceless admonishments we’ve received and now find it difficult to trust more mature women with our mothering struggles. Some of us are afraid that these women will get too involved in our lives or that their opinions of us will change once they become aware of our faults. Still others of us simply dislike the idea of admitting that we don’t have it all together as moms—that even with the tremendous amount of articles available to us on the internet, we still struggle to love our children well.

Opening ourselves up to the advice and correction that older women have to offer means choosing to be disciplined in how we view ourselves and our journey of motherhood; it requires humility. Romans 12:8 reminds us to never be wise in our own sight and Proverbs 11:2 warns that wherever there is pride there will soon be disgrace, but where there is humility there will be honor. Therefore, the wise young mother must seek to understand and confess her weaknesses, while gratefully accepting the help and advice of those whose experience makes them worthy of emulation. This doesn’t mean that she will always agree with them or that she will always implement their suggestions. Rather, it means that she will bring their wealth of practical wisdom before the Lord in prayer, asking the Holy Spirit to reveal which words are worthy of being heeded and which can be graciously ignored. According to Scripture, this practice of humbly receiving the help of older, godly mothers will reap the harvest of honor that prideful self-reliance seeks after, but can never attain.

How do we gain this kind of super-human humility when every ounce of our flesh recoils at the advice and correction offered by the older women around us? We know that we need their help, but it can be so difficult to simply let them into our lives! We must remember that our old, sinful, self-reliant natures have been crucified with Christ. Through him, we are given the ability to put to death our arrogance and walk in humility. By his grace, we are able to swallow our pride and ask for help when we know we need it and accept unsolicited help when we don’t even realize we do. As Colossians 3:12 tells us, we must “put on” humility as God’s holy and beloved children. We must shed our natural tendency toward self-reliance and pride because it is part of the old man, and it is no longer us who live, but Christ who lives in us! If our Holy God—who we are now united to through the gospel—was willing to humble himself by taking on human flesh in the incarnation, we can surely humble ourselves by welcoming the advice of thoughtful, loving, and encouraging older women who desire to serve us by sharing their time-wrought wisdom.

Young mothers like myself often struggle under the weight of the task before them and are acutely aware of their weaknesses and failings. We are constantly bombarded by Pinterest worthy images of motherhood that leave us feeling like utter failures in our calling. We’re in desperate need of the peaceful wisdom that flows from time and experience. We’re hungry for the gospel stories that can be shared by those who’ve made mistakes in their past and seen the grace of God overcome them. We need the older women around us to speak into our lives, but the question is whether we will have the ears to hear them?

“Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” (1 Pet. 5:5).

Jessalyn Hutto is a regular contributor to Credo Magazine. Her passion for theology led her to create the blog DesiringVirtue.com which encourages women to study, treasure, and apply the Word of God to their daily lives. She is blessed to be the wife of Richard Hutto (a Pastoral Resident with Acts29) and the mother of three little boys: Elliot, Hudson, and Owen. She is also a regular contributor to The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood’s women’s channel: Karis.